


Resonance

by Laika_the_wife, Tuii



Series: Reflections [11]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Emotions, GO HOMO OR GO HOME, Hand Jobs, Hope, M/M, Making Out, Oral Sex, Sex, finally alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 13:31:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13342269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laika_the_wife/pseuds/Laika_the_wife, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii
Summary: As they waited for the pills to kick in Isak sat on the couch with Even’s head on his lap. Even looked up at him, Isak looked rarely down. It felt so good to be like this, with Even, their bodies still clicked together seamlessly, but there was this huge pack of elephants in the room with them and Isak just wanted to panic. He really, really wanted to be swallowed by a black whirlpool but no, Even held his hand and Isak was anchored to the dock. The waves could splash into his face and soak him but he couldn’t be swept away and drowned.





	Resonance

**Author's Note:**

> Written by Tuii's wife Laika. One reflection left before it's over.

There was a story Isak liked telling himself.

During these long, dark months the story had changed. It had evolved, twisting into itself and exploding out again, but its grip of him was ruthless, never changing, never ending.

That story ended with a kiss.

 

“God, I missed you”, Isak mumbled against Even’s lips. Those beautiful, full lips that trembled against his over and over again. Isak wanted to press himself against Even, feel his body with his own, but even if Eskild could have forgotten, even for a second, Isak could not. He saw Even’s bruises through his clothes and kept his distance.

Even broke the kiss, gasping.

“Did you enjoy what I made you do?”

Isak did not want to answer Even’s question. He tried to reach his lips again with his, but Even evaded. He looked into Isak’s eyes and his eyes were so fucking blue.

“Tell me.”

“It was the only time I felt alive. When I felt anything but shit. It was what I needed but no, it did not give me pleasure.” Isak wanted to look away when he saw the sadness in Even’s eyes. But he couldn’t. “Did you enjoy it?”

Even shrugged.

“It was..different. I really started to look forward to Ed and making someone understand.” Even paused. He looked somewhere over Isak’s shoulder. Isak felt his warmth, they were standing so close, barely touching. “One time I almost asked. I don’t know why it occurred to me that you might be Ed. But I didn’t ask because there was a one in a million chance that it was you and that was unbearable.”

Unbearable. Isak swallowed.

“I do understand. What it’s like to just..I don’t know, fucking lose yourself. To spiral. I wanted to stop but I just couldn’t. I can’t.”

Even nodded, solemnly.

“I just..fuck, Even, you  _ know _ what I’m talking about. Like when I said I can’t talk to my therapist because they’d ask me to stop, I saw you got it.”

Even nodded again. He touched Isak’s hair, a wisp of curls at his temple.

“Now, can I fucking kiss you again?”

Isak didn’t wait for an answer. He went for it, wholeheartedly, and this time access wasn’t denied. Even opened his mouth just a little, enough for Isak to give his lower lip a little pull with his lips. He moaned. Or maybe it was Isak himself, he wasn’t sure anymore. Nevertheless, that sound drove him nuts, pushed him on, demanding. He took advantage of the open passage and slipped his tongue inside Even’s mouth. It was a warm welcome. Even’s tongue came to receive his, touch it, graze it, dance with it. Then Even made a sound that forced Isak to notice how hard he was pushing himself against him. Isak pulled back.

“Shit! Sorry!”

Even grimaced.

“I’m starting to think it wasn’t worth the money..do you guys have any weed?”

Isak laughed in disbelief.

“I really, really think we should not get high together. But I have some strong pills for my ankle.” Shit. He hoped Even wouldn’t ask.

“What’s wrong with your ankle?”

Isak sighed, looking at the floor.

“Nothing. Do you want the pills or not?”

“Only if you tell me why you have them.”

“You’ll see when you get me naked, okay?” Isak didn’t want to say it aloud. To tell Even how pathetic he was. How useless, thirteen-year-olds cut themselves with ease and he'd managed to fuck that up.

Even smiled. There was a mystery in his smile, it said “we shall see” even though Even stayed silent. Then he nodded.

“Seems fair. I’ll take two.”

As they waited for the pills to kick in Isak sat on the couch with Even’s head on his lap. Even looked up at him, Isak looked rarely down. It felt so good to be like this, with Even, their bodies still clicked together seamlessly, but there was this huge pack of elephants in the room with them and Isak just wanted to panic. He really, really wanted to be swallowed by a black whirlpool but no, Even held his hand and Isak was anchored to the dock. The waves could splash into his face and soak him but he couldn’t be swept away and drowned.

“What’s up, baby?”

Isak’s stomach curled tighter. Even must have noticed it, his ear was right against it. If Isak said nothing, or that he was okay, it wouldn’t pass.

“I miss you. I miss  _ this _ you.” Isak tried hard to make it not sound like he was accusing Even of something, but he wasn’t too successful. He  _ was _ accusing Even. Blaming him. And he knew how unfair it was.

“So do I.”

“Why the fuck are you a camboy Even? You have to stop that. Eskild will never let you continue and you really shouldn’t either.”

Even closed his eyes. He was really trying, Isak could tell. He really appreciated the effort.

“I had to make money fast. And you know the other reason.”

Isak nodded. He knew the other reason, he had been in the same dark place Even was. He was still in there.

“You need to stop”, he pleaded, again.

“I still need the money baby. And I am good at my work, and I get to perform on camera..”

Isak sighed.

“Even, no. We’ll figure something out. You’re not alone in this anymore and neither am I.” Eskild was already involved and Isak was pretty sure that their other friends would come to help too. No matter how distant they now were, he  _ knew _ he could always call Jonas or Magnus or even Mikael if he only had the guts. Somehow helping Even made the idea of calling them easier.

“Good pills, man.” Even changed the subject. Isak let him, for now.

“Are they working?”

Even nodded.

“Mm-hmm. Feels a lot better already. Why do you have them?”

Shit. The subject was changed but for the worse.

But this had to start somewhere.

“I tried to cut myself. But you know how I am with kitchen utensils.”

Even chuckled before he could stop himself.

“That’s  _ wrong _ Isak! God!”

Isak smiled too.

“Yeah well anyhow it went south, I panicked and called Eskild and he dragged me to the clinic. I didn’t even need stitches. It was horrible! I was so ashamed, I couldn’t do even that right and --”

Even pressed his finger against Isak’s lips. Isak fought the urge to suck at it.

“I get it, baby. It’s okay.”

Isak lost the fight. He wrapped his lips around Even’s fingertip and suckled lightly. Even made a silent surprised ‘oh’ and Isak’s body lit up again. It was more a light than a fire. It drove away the darkness. Isak knew that the dark would return as soon as the light faded, but now he basked in it and closed his eyes. He pushed his head down a bit, taking Even’s finger deeper.

As Isak moved his tongue along Even’s long index finger he heard silent moans. When he felt Even turn his hand so he could grab his jaw with his thumb and other fingers Isak moaned as well. Even stroked his tongue slowly, Isak sucked harder, his breathing heavy and jeans crowded under Even’s head.

Even turned his head and lifted Isak’s shirt up. He pressed his lips on Isak’s stomach and now a wave indeed swept Isak away. The ripples ran against his skin, they made his nipples hard and his hips nudge. He opened his eyes and looked down at Even, his lips against his skin, and he was fucking beautiful.

“Eskild’s room”, Isak said huskily. “They could get home anytime.” Isak had been introduced to the new residents, but they weren’t yet so well acquainted that Isak would’ve liked them to walk in on them like this.

Even’s eyes twinkled.

“Are you suggesting we fuck in Eskild’s bed?”

“It’s either that or the kitchen counter.”

Even moaned against Isak’s stomach.

“Fffuck that’d be hot. But privacy is key now, yeah.”

“You’re sexy when you’re admitting I’m right.”

Even got up and offered his hand. Isak grabbed it and pulled himself on his feet. Even surprised him, he didn’t let go but kept pulling, taking advantage of Isak’s momentum and made him fall against his chest.

“Gotcha”, Even said, pleased with himself, and wrapped his arms around Isak. Then he kissed him, like they do in the movies, full of passion and gusto. Isak’s knees buckled. Fuck, he wanted this man so bad.

“Eskild’s..” Isak mumbled between the kisses. “..room..now.”

They moved with such ease, lips still locked in the kiss, they didn’t need to think about it at all, just walk together to the door and through it. Isak moaned louder when Even pressed his back against the door with his body.

Even tried to turn the lights on but Isak pushed his hand away from the switch.

“I want to see you”, Even protested.

“You have seen me a million times. I still look the same.”

Even sniffed at the side of Isak’s neck and nibbled at his earlobe.

“No, you don’t”, he whispered and flicked the switch while Isak was distracted.

“Fuck you’re gorgeous”, Even sighed and kissed him again.

Isak was a bit nervous. Even was the most perfect man ever crafted, but he was also bruised up badly. Isak didn’t want to see them, the reminders of his shortcomings. Not now.

“Even, your bruises..” Isak whispered, blushing with shame. They were his fault, he should have carried the consequences. Taken responsibility.

“Shit”, Even hissed. “They stopped aching and I forgot about them. Sorry.”

Even turned the light off again. Isak relaxed immediately. The room was still dimly lit, it was summer and the nights were light, but now the colours wouldn’t scream at him. Isak hadn’t noticed his shoulders had cramped before they released. Even stroked them softly.

“Are you sure?” he whispered. Isak almost died.

“Yes! For once, in a million years, I’m sure.” He basically crushed Even’s lips with his, climbed up his torso and straddled him. He was sure. He was sure and he was so, so horny.

Even seemed to like his enthusiasm. At least he laughed, purring, and backed up towards the bed.

“Do you want to fuck me?” Even asked.

“I want to fuck you so bad”, Isak gasped between his kisses on Even’s neck. He pulled the hood down and ran his fingers through Even’s hair. It was like silk. It smelled so good, it smelled like Even.

“Alright then.”

He really meant it. He wanted this too, he wasn’t agreeing out of oblication or for money, Isak could hear it. Even’s voice traveled from Isak’s eardrums straight to his cock. It was hard, throbbing, he wanted this so much. Actually wanted this, for him, not for anybody else or for any other reason than his own radiant lust. Even sat down to the bed and Isak pushed him on his back. 

“I want to taste you”, Isak pleaded. Even reached up and put his hands on Isak’s shoulders, pushing him down. He took that as a yes. Isak kneeled to the floor on front of Even and fought his wonderful dick out of his jeans and underwear. He gasped at the sight of it, at the scent, he grabbed it firmly and took its tip into his mouth. Even moaned softly, his body moving up and down on the bed in waves, his back arched.

“Fuck, baby..that’s so good.”

Isak purred in delight. He took Even in deeper, rubbing him with his tongue. He tasted amazing. He made mad sexy sounds. Isak moved his head up and down, sucking him hard, he used his hands to tease Even’s nude - god they were so smooth and soft - balls and shaft.

It was kind of a good thing that Even was so beaten up. That made Isak be gentle with him, despite the turmoil of his raw passion. It made him less frantic and more focused, he could really take in all the touches, scents and sounds. He wasn’t busy  _ doing _ , so he had time for feeling. Being really present. It was like in the first months with Even, when he was just a kid, getting to know their bodies, his and Even’s. Now he was getting to know them all over again, and he really, really liked it.

Isak missed that body. He loved this dick but he missed Even’s body so he let go and crawled back up on the bed, kissing his way up Even’s torso to his lips. He brought Even’s shirt with him and with some squirming Even was free from it. Isak’s fingers traveled ever so lightly along that skin, and the ripples of shivers they sent travelled also to his own spine, making him moan again.

Their kiss lasted forever. It was broken by tiny giggles, when the happiness just couldn’t be contained anymore, and then continued with determination and care. During the kiss Even removed Isak’s clothes, and kicked his own jeans away, and when Isak finally pressed his naked body lightly against Even’s they both gasped.

“I fucking love you”, Isak whispered.

“I fucking know”, Even replied. Then they started kissing again.

Even’s fingers traveled lower and lower. They touched Isak’s hip bone, then his groin, then they pulled back to his ribs. After the third time Isak grumbled.

“Make up your fucking mind already!”

Even chuckled and grabbed Isak’s dick. Fucking yes, a million times. Even moved his hand up and down, pumping him, Isak pushed his hips in that rhythm and moaned. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a handjob from someone else, but he was certain it hadn’t been this awesome.

Isak tried to kiss Even back when he was jerking him off, but his lips stumbled into moans regularly. Even’s tongue slipped in and out of his mouth, their breathing mixed together, all of Isak’s being gathered closer and closer to his dick, throbbing in Even’s hand.

He should’ve said that he was going to come. But he couldn’t, he was too focused on the orgasm building up inside him. Though Even probably knew perfectly well how close he was, and he absolutely knew what he was doing. He was glistening with precum, he was pulsing, radiating, he cried out when he came into Even’s hand.

“Mother..fucker..” Isak uttered, gasping for breath. He didn’t know if his eyes were open or closed, but he saw stars.

Even found  a tissue from the nightstand and cleaned his hand. He laid next to Isak, glowing, he was very pleased with himself and his performance. For a fucking reason. Isak laughed, it was short and silent and exhilarated, then he turned to kiss Even again.

They were at it the whole night. Isak came, Even came, they both came, again and again. Even’s fingers worked their magic inside Isak, Isak fucked Even so slowly it was near torture, they kissed and licked and sucked each other practically everywhere and when the room filled with morning light they were finally spent.

“That’s new”, Even said and pointed at a huge poster. It read GO HOMO OR GO HOME in neon orange letters.

Isak chuckled, his voice hoarse from moaning and screaming, and nestled up closer to Even.

“Subtle, isn’t it?”

Even nodded.

“Indeed. I like it when a piece of art forces you to really think about its message.”

Isak sighed. This was so nice. He really wanted to stay here, next to Even, resting his head on his shoulder, forever. But there were two lists that disagreed. And the world. And life. But at least this time Isak knew how to not handle this. He knew not to leave either of them alone to fend for themselves.

“Even,” Isak whispered. “I think I’m ready now.”

Even turned on his side, facing Isak. His smile had a hue of sadness.

“I’m listening.”


End file.
